Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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