The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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