I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He? As in you personified your dick?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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