I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
