For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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