Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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