For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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