The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
