i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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