drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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