Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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