Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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