The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
