bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
