this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
