she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Randomize
