How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
