My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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