So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
