I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
