I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
