You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
