She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
