im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
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