You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
