I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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