I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
it's like iHOP with fire
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
