Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
