sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
that is very illegal...i love you.
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