okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
