I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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