My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
