As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
