I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
