none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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