i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
