when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
