I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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