i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
did i just pee glitter
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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