dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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