fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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