i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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