She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
