She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
