I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
