Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
