when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
