This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
