apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My dick has a subreddit
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
