I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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