I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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