break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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