The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
