I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
