Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
