I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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